Lately I've been hearing a lot of talk about missing people. I guess it has to do with the season. Its made me think again about missing people. I don't know why and I don't understand it but I don't miss people. I don't miss people. I used to miss my family all the time as a child. I remember crying myself to sleep in Iceland missing my grandparents and then in converse I would cry myself to sleep when I was in France missing my parents. I've spent my entire life (save one Christmas when we were all together) away from someone I love. This is not something I'm bitter about, just a reality I've lived with for 26 years. I don't know anything different. And now that I live in Greece I'm away from my entire family and friends all the time. Also working with Hellenic Ministries I've seen a lot of people come and go. Some I have come to love and others whom I've merely enjoyed their company, but everybody eventually leaves... or I leave. As a result of this knowledge I don't invest myself fully in the people who are around me making the separation easier. I think this is a TCK trait. I've heard other TCKs say that. I'll be open and cheerful to everybody and I love people easily but I don't allow the roots to go too deep. Maybe it's not real love then? I don't know. Yet I would do anything for a friend in need.
All I know is that I live in the moment. I cherish my past and look forward to the future when I can be reunited with friends and family. To love, speak and cry together once again. Leaving was easy when I was younger as I knew I'd be back soon but now it has become a difficult thing for me as I never know when I'll be back to a specific place. Also a reality I face every time I leave is the question of whether or not this is the last time I see a person. Especially for my family as they are not believers. That reality scares me more than anything. When I leave believers I have no doubt that I'll see them again and take solace that we'll have all eternity together. But when I leave a place I'll experience excruciating pain and cry a while but then it's over and I go back to the phone. I take comfort and solace in a digital image and VoIP. And then it's all about the moment again. What I'm doing now. Yesterday was wonderful, today is amazing and I never know what tomorrow will hold.
I'll have nostalgic moments like everybody else but they are only fleeting moments. If I want to talk to somebody I know I can always pick up the phone and call. Facebook and Skype have made it easy. If I think of someone I go to their facebook page and drop them a quick line. Or I use skype to call. The internet has made the world even smaller than before... something I'm infinitely thankful for.
Please whoever you are friend, know that I love you. This does not mean that our friendship is any less real or deep. It just means I have a coping mechanism that is different from yours. If I allowed myself to miss anybody I would have to miss everybody and I don't know if I could cope with that.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
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2 comments:
I understand you Janet, through this post. This is just my opinion but I think you have such a positive attitude and enthusiasm for adventure and action that although you love/ care for people deeply, it isn't in you to mope!:) You have had a life where you have been used to saying good bye to people and throughout everything you focus on what's good and are cheerful!
I think you are doing what you have to do to cope, as you said. I love you and think you're great and wouldn't have you any other way!
God bless!
Thanks Colleen! I appreciate that! :D You know I've created quite a ruckus with this disposition of mine. Not a lot of people understand this point of view because not a lot of people have lived it :o\ I know that I've hurt some people as they think that I don't care about them... the tricky part is to make them see the balance ;op
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